Identity Priming, Foreclosure, and How the Stories We Tell Ourselves Affect Our Businesses

When I think about how identity precedes action, my mind drifts back to 2011 when I was training for a marathon.

Third time’s the charm, or so I hoped, because twice before I’d gotten hurt and had to bow out of races before they even began.

The mental chatter and limiting beliefs these two failures spawned was immense. I have a distinct memory of being on a mid-distance training run of eight or nine miles, and thinking that my bones might shatter at any moment and the fragments push through the skin. Thoughts like those aren’t, um, logical. Sure, I got a hairline fracture in my fifth metatarsal (toe) during my first training attempt, but a devastating compound fracture was highly unlikely.

My friend Daniel Allen, who had already completed several marathons, helped me put together a training program that combined the Hansons Marathon Method and a mid-run recovery technique call “Jeffing” named after American Olympian Jeff Galloway.

I had successfully built up mileage without any major injuries or issues, and I had reached out to a college friend, also named Daniel and also a marathoner, about going on a 16-mile Sunday run with him while I was in Nashville one weekend.

Daniel #2 agreed, and on Saturday night, while my wife and I were hanging out with my parents, one of them said, with a knowing chuckle, “You know, we Churches just aren’t long-distance runners.”

That statement jarred me, and I blurted out, “What’s wrong with you?!”

They were as surprised as I was, and we goggled at each other for an awkward moment. It was as though someone had farted loudly during a prayer.

“You know I’m going on a sixteen-mile run tomorrow,” I said. “You know this will be the longest run I’ve done to date. Why would you say something like that in front of me?”

Looking back, I can’t help but wonder, what if I had believed them that night? How might my training or the race itself have played out differently?

You see, I didn’t believe them because I had started to believe I was a runner. Sure, I’d gotten hurt, especially when adding on too many miles too quickly. Many runners do. But hadn’t I already run distances most people would consider long? Yes. And did I have evidence suggesting that I could finish a sixteen-miler and even a full marathon? Yes.

But what if I had believed them?

Cognitive scientist Maya Shankar introduced me to concept of “identity priming,” which describes our tendency to act in ways that are consistent with our perceived identity or the identity we aspire to have.

Have you ever used a gas-powered push mower or leaf blower? If so, you’re familiar with the flexible plastic primer bulb on the engine. When you push in the bulb, it draws fuel from the tank and fills the carburetor. Then, as you yank the cord, the carburetor mixes fuel and air, and the spark plug ignites the mixture to start the engine.

The opposite is also true. If the primer bulb has a crack in it and can’t create a vacuum to move the fuel, then the engine won’t start. That unassuming bulb thus plays a pivotal role: no priming, no engine action. No progress.

Identity is our bulb, and it spurs action or reinforce inaction. Google “identity priming,” and you can find plenty of research to support this. Take, for example, a 2018 study called “Identity in Charitable Giving” in which Judd B. Kessler and Katherine L. Milkman ran fundraising experiments with the American Red Cross (ARC). For one of them, the ARC sent solicitation mailings to 17,061 people who hadn’t given money in the last 24 months. Half of the “lapsed” donors received a letter with an extra line of personalized text at the top reminding them of the date of their most recent donation. That line was absent from the letter the control group received.

Can you guess what happened?

By priming people’s identity as donors, the ARC increased donations with that half of the group by 20%. The average donation went up by 4.1%, too. The lapsed donors who were reminded of past donations were more generous than they had been previously.

Identity priming has deep implications for solopreneurs for a couple of reasons:

1. To thrive as a solopreneur you must have an assortment of core competencies—everything from marketing and sales to communication and cash flow management.
2. None of us has all of the competences we need when we first get started.

I joke now that I’m a recovering money moron, and it’s true that I didn’t excel at managing money for years. Especially during my first three or four years of self-employment, I would have told you, “I’m not good with money.”

What if I had kept believing that?

We act in ways that are consistent with our perceived identity, so I would kept making decent money and not proactively raising my financial literacy.

In mid-2012 my wife told me she was expecting, and that joyous and terrifying news jolted me awake. I thought, “I don’t welcome to welcome a child into this financial climate.” A friend recommended Robert Kiyosaki’s books, Rich Dad, Poor Dad and Increase Your Financial IQ. I read them both. My journey to the-opposite-of-not-being-good-with-money began. Fiscally responsible adult? Something like that.

James Clear said, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” I’d substitute the word “beliefs” for “systems.” We cannot outperform our beliefs, at least not for long. In 1947 Henry Ford was quoted as saying, “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.”

Not only did I surprise myself with my time at the end of that 16-mile training run, but I also completed the 2011 Country Music Marathon with a time of 3:57:30. I snuck in under four hours!

What is your identity? What story are you telling yourself right now about what you are or are not capable of?

Here are some things I’ve heard from my coaching clients:

• “I don’t even know what I’d do for a client for $30,000.”
• “I’ve never been a high-earning freelancer.”
• “I’m not good with numbers.”
• “I’m socially awkward.”
• “I hate sales.”

Maya Shankar introduced me to another concept in cognitive psychology called “identity foreclosure.” We commit prematurely to an identity before we have fully explored other ways that we can be, what else could be true about us if we were to start telling ourselves a different story.

The Sunday night after that training run, my parents were jokingly accusing each other of being the pessimist in the relationship. I interrupted them.

“You’re both pessimists,” I said. “Remember what you said in this very room last night? Churches aren’t long distance runners? And what did I do this morning? I went out and ran sixteen miles. Clearly, Churches can be long-distance runners if we want to. So I’d invite you both to reconsider the limitations you put on yourselves.”

(Yes, in case you’re wondering, I’ve always been a bit of a pill. And don’t let me give you the wrong impression: I have terrific parents.)

With running, I chose the identity that enabled me to run a marathon, and at the very same time, with money, I chose the identity that let me off the hook and held me back.

Identity priming and identity foreclosure are at work in your life right now, and my hope is that you’ll take 15 minutes and answer one or more of these questions:

• What stories do I tell myself that hold me back? How have I typecast myself?
• What am I afraid of? What can those fears tell me about what I really want?
• What do I need to learn that I could learn if I really tried?
• What tiny change can I make today?

BJ Fogg, Stanford University behavior scientist and author of Tiny Habits, would be the first to tell you tiny changes can make a big difference because they cause identity shifts:

“When people feel successful, even on tiny things, it changes how they see themselves. In other words, you can get an identity shift from even very tiny changes you feel successful around.”

My friend, you’re more capable than you realize. Perhaps it’s time to start telling yourself a different story and make tiny changes.

When you’re ready, here are ways I can help you:

1. Free Money. A pricing and money mindset guide for freelance creatives. If you’re unsure about your freelance pricing, this is the book for you.
2. Morning Marketing Habit. This course will help you build an “always be marketing” practice, become less dependent on referrals, and proactively build the business you want with the clients you want. My own morning marketing habit has enabled me to consistently make  6 figures as a freelancer.
3. Custom Business Roadmap. Gain clarity, confidence, and momentum in your freelance or consulting business.
4. Business Redesign. Raise your effective hourly rate, delegate with confidence, and free up 40 hours a month.
5. Clarity Session. It’s hard to read the label when you’re inside the bottle. I've done well over 100 of these 1:1 sessions with founders, solopreneurs, and freelancers who wanted guidance, a second opinion, or help creating a plan.